The Gold Is Along The Way | Part 2: The Trap and the Turning Point

The Trap of External Validation

Looking back now, I realize I had tied my identity to external validation.

My confidence rose and fell based on other people’s opinions. Coaches. Owners. Fans. Even the people closest to me.

If I played well, I felt valuable. If I made mistakes, I questioned myself.

If I wasn’t playing the role I thought I deserved, I felt like I had failed.

The crazy part is that when I look back at my résumé today, none of that was actually true.

My résumé says I accomplished a lot but my mind kept telling me it wasn’t enough.

External validation has a funny way of doing that. It shifts your focus away from who you are and places your self-worth into outcomes you can’t completely control.

Football is the ultimate team sport.

A defensive lineman has to control his gap before a linebacker makes the tackle.

A pass rush doesn’t get home unless the secondary covers.

A receiver doesn’t catch touchdowns unless the offensive line protects.

Everyone depends on everyone, yet somehow I convinced myself that every win, every loss, every mistake somehow defined me.

The pursuit of perfection became exhausting.

I became my own hardest coach.

The fear of making mistakes became heavier than the joy of competing.

Finding Peace in the Present

Then football forced me to slow down.

After suffering a severe concussion and dealing with post-concussion syndrome, I found myself sitting with my family during Christmas in 2021. My mom. My dad. and My sister Ashleigh.

For months I had been frustrated that I wasn’t healing fast enough to get back on the field. I wanted another opportunity. Another chance to prove myself. Then something hit me.

I looked around the room and finally said,

“What more do I need?”

“I made it.”

“What else am I trying to prove?”

For the first time in my life, I wasn’t thinking about the next season.

I wasn’t thinking about the next contract.

I wasn’t thinking about proving somebody wrong.

I realized I had spent so much of my life chasing the next thing that I had forgotten to appreciate where I already was.

The constant pursuit of perfection had robbed me of the present.

It robbed me of gratitude.

It robbed me of peace.

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Stay tuned for Part 3: The Lesson